Now my search begins for a local group centered on Traditional Witchcraft. I am optimistic that I will find one.

This is in line with my self-discovery path. I feel that this is the correct direction to take. I have my values and my core beliefs written down, but my spirituality has suffered as of late. It must be regained.

Devil is in the details.

As I "troll" (move slowly through as in fishing) through the groups I belong to I am constantly reminded of some things that are my pet peeves of sorts. So let us begin.

Number on is a big one.  It is alt"A"r. It is NOT alt"E"r. The two words aren't even similes. Stop fucking typing the wrong word. It only makes you look more of a noob.

Next is the constant posting of "blessed be" this and that. I have asked how many actually know what it means and you would have thought I shot someones cat. It is not a greeting, or an way to answer a post. It is actually incomplete as well. There is a whole chant that goes with it.

Why is everyone an empath? Oh wait that is because we are fucking human beings and by default we are empathic. If you believe you can sense the emotions of others on a somewhat deep level then explore that and if it bothers you then stop it and even shield yourself from it. Take control of it, it is your ability after all. If you can only perceive the emotional state of another person then congratulations you are no more an empath then a granite stone is a quartz crystal. The ability to sense the emotions of another human been on a level deeper then just visually is not something that you really want to be doing or brag about. It can be tiring and a bother. After 20 years of being able to do it I have finally been able to not so much shield but allow it all to come in and filter it. I can still sense it but I acknowledge it and send it away.

Harm None, Law of 3 and fucking Karma.
No, No, and only if you are Hindu.

"Kind of new to this...", no you are not kind of new, you are are either new or not.

"I don't have a clue what I am doing but I want to do this complicated ritual and raise energies to cause a huge change in the natural order of things."

While this isn't a direct quote it does summarize what I have seen in so many posts in the groups on Facebook. People, mostly kids, posting that they want to do a spell or want a spell to cause this or that but have never so much as read a book or done anything else to learn about the craft.

Negative comment. Judgement comments. "You are attacking me!!!"

What the fuck? What is a negative comment and how the fuck do you make one? Judgement comments are a part of posting on Facebook. Just by commenting you are making a judgement on whether or not to post.

Attacking? JUST NO!!!

I am sure there will be more but this is just some of it.

Cheers

The Edge of My Mortality

Recently, I have also had moments where I am sitting around and begin to think...why. Why did I have this happen to me the way it did. I wonder if I am meant to have these experiences so that I can have a better understanding of my humanity, or for me to have a closer connection to the divine in my life.

Three times in my recent life I have been brought to the edge of my mortality. Each time I dangled on the edge to look in the void beyond and wonder, "What?"

What is next? I truly do not know. I don't have any divine insight and I wouldn't want to. I do want to live my life how ever it may be with my partner and enjoy and experience what ever the Gods decide to set to our paths.

I know I am blessed. The reasons are not important. I will continue to walk my path regardless of the direction or obstacles.

A dark house…dreaming

The house is enormous, dark, and it is in my dreams.

I have not only dreamed of this imposing dwelling once but many times. Each time it is the same.

I some how know the house like a friend. I know the quiet rooms, walls covered in their ancient papers, floors of rooms covered in lush carpets, halls illuminated dimly with antique sconces and gas flames. Wood floors in hallways, polished and clean. Staircases, embellished with wooden banisters travel from floor to floor.

Each night I dream of this house I find myself wandering through the halls, from room to room, and up the endless stairs. Musty odors fill my nostrils as I tread down the dim halls. My foot steps echo through out as I make my way through the house.

I travel the same path each time I am in the house. The same halls, rooms and stairs. Each smell and sound the same. I am happy and calm as I travel the path set before me.

Finally I find the large central staircase that winds, tightly up to a single room. Slowly I climb the smooth stairs. The worn handrail smooth under my shaking hand. I realize that I am now anxious as I take step after step. Windows open to an out of focus world beyond the smoky glass. I reach the threshold of the room and find that I am not able to pass through. No obvious barrier exists but I am held out. I can see what is inside the room. All the items are familiar to me. I remember sitting in the small room and peering out the clear windows on the world outside. I remember learning things in this room and finding things too. Now the room is dark and still, dust covers the small table and chair. Cobwebs, almost as if embodying the cliche, hang from the corners and over the windows. The once clear glass, now clouded with age.

I am confused and sadden. Why am I not able to return to a room that I looked forward to being in? Night after night I return to the room and find it closed to me still, each night the room grew darker and darker.

I haven’t dreamed of traveling through the house in some time but I have the house appearing in my mind’s eye from time to time, first in vague detail and now in full detail. I used to sit and wonder during my waking hours if I will be walking through the rooms, halls and staircases or if I will be taking a different journey.

I know now that the room at the top of the house will never be open to me again. I know that the room was a place for me to learn about myself and for me to be found. I stared my path in that room and I will forever remember it even if I am not able to return to it. The house remains open to me and me open to the house; but that part will forever remain a closed part in...

A dark house…dreaming.

A roadblock on the path

I have recently come to realize that I have a huge roadblock sitting right smack dab in the middle of my spiritual path.  This epiphany came to me as I talked to my High Priest about how I was progressing toward restarting my initiation process.  


Let me give a bit of back story.  


I came to paganism relatively late in my life.  I wasn't raised with it.  I can't quite remember when I began exploring this path.  I do know that it was first in a book then an online school and finally with the coven I currently belong to.  I progressed nicely and soon dedicated with the coven.  The next step was to initiate. I thought I was ready, I was not.

Image found here.

During one of my infrequent meditations I was visited by my patron Goddess Hecate and my patron God Herne.  It was explained to me that I was not ready to undertake such an important task as initiation and that I needed to do much more before I was.  I was quite taken aback by such a overt communication but I was also grateful that my patrons came to me.  After the meditation I immediately drafted a letter to my High Priest and High Priestess requesting the my initiation be put on hiatus.


So now I come to the roadblock.  I don't do for me.  I am always doing for others.  I get up around 5:00am and immediately start doing for others.  I clean the kitchen, loading the washer and wiping down the counters.  I get my partner up and off to work.  I get on this computer and start checking mail and start working on our two stores.  I also fit laundry in there somewhere too.  I also seem to be picking up after our roommate.  Oh and lest us not forget the yard work that needs to be done now that spring is here and summer just weeks away.  So I don't do for me.


Why?  I am worried that if I don't do all these other things that they won't get done, or done right.  I am afraid to let got for even a short time.  I feel guilty if I take time for myself.  I would love to be able to just go into my ritual room, cast circle, and sit in the quiet and meditate.  So why don't I just do it?  I am doing it now.


I have expressed my feeling to my partner and we have agreed that I just need to take the time I need and not  worry about what needs to be done.  Easier said then done.  


So I am here looking at this massive roadblock and wondering how I am to remove it or go around it.  I think I should remove it so that I don't encounter it again further down the path.  

I ask my patrons for guidance and patience as I find my way again.


Blessed Be!

Who I Am!

Each day I wake up confident in who I am, my spirituality, the choices I have made.

I am grateful for all that I have in my life; my health, my passions, my gifts, my partner, my family, my friends, my spirituality.
I am a simple person in my feelings yet complex in expressing them.
I see the beauty in the world everyday even if there is so much ugliness.

My gifts give me insight to other people and I am blessed to have such insights; it allows me to be a better person because I know someone has the same insight about me.

I...am...I am...I AM...me.

Blessed Be.

The Beginning.

This blogging thing is not as easy as I thought it would be. I am reading a book right now on starting a blog. Kind of funny. There is a lot of good information in it even though he uses Wordpress in his examples. I just like Blogger better.
I guess I should tell a little bit about myself.
I will only be using my craft name on my posts. It is Cainwyne Haef Kemelis. I was born over 40 years ago in the great state of Colorado. I was raised in the Lutheran religion but during my teenage years I stopped attending church. Thus began my journey on my path with the gods and goddesses, even though I didn't know it at the time. I spent some time in the military but the fact that I am gay didn't sit well with some and I was asked to leave. I was a bit disappointed in that but I moved on. I returned to Colorado and began to live my new life.
I have loved and lost many times in my life. I have lost lovers to illness and family to time.
My journey along the path revved up in 2006 when I picked up my first book at a Borders Bookstore. It was Grimoire for the Apprentice Wizard by Oberon Zell-Ravenheart. I devoured it. It was funny while I was reading it I would think 'that is me'. I soon enrolled in The Grey School of Wizardry. I was having the time of my life. Everything was making sense to me. I began to explore my spirituality and what the path had to offer. While working on my classes and after a talk with a wise witch friend of mine I came to the realization that the moniker of 'wizard' was not who I was. I was pagan, more to the point I was a witch and always have been.
So now I am a witch and proud of it. Right now I am with a coven here in Colorado and I am working on my Year and A day studies. I LOVE it.

I think that is a good bit of stuff. Until my next post.....

Merry We Meet,
Merry We Part,
And Merry We Meet Again.

Brightest Blessings.