Of Endings and Beginnings

My first real relationship was in the early 1990's with an amazing man named Shayne. While it only lasted a short while, less than two years, it was a defining time in my life. After Shayne's passing in 1993 I bounced between guys, never finding one that was a good foundation for a relationship. That was until I met Michael in the late 1990's. I can't remember what it was or how we got together, that is either from time, age or injury, or all the above. What I can say is that the time we shared was amazing, difficult, and yes even on edge.

We traveled to London, twice. Both times were amazing and something I will never forget. We took 5 cruises over most of the Carribean. Each one an adventure and amazing. We bought a house. We bought chickens. We bought a dog. 

We survived many things as well. COVID being the last major thing. It made us stronger. But the events of 2016 and 2017 broke what we had. It shattered the love that was there. But I didn't want to let go and held onto what was in hopes of some sort of fix and a return to how things used to be.

OF ENDINGS

A recent talk with Michael made me realize that it wasn't going to happen and that I needed to let go of what I was holding on to so tightly. I needed to let go of the idea that we would be returning to how it was. I needed focus on the new parts of my life and my relationships with my friends. 

I didn't realize what was going to happen however. I did let go. The day after I found a massive void in my being. More massive than when Shayne passed away. I didn't know what I was going to do fill the void.

OF BEGINNINGS

More talking with Michael and I reassured him that I wouldn't leave. I need to stay because the house is in both of our names and we are both responsible for it. We but so much into the house and I want to keep it even if I am just a housemate. I have transitioned to fully living in the basement with the spare bedroom. It has been very nice and there is so much less stress in the house. I am keeping my income to contribute with to the bills and I will continue to do the upkeep.